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Parenting -
General
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Keeping perfect balance within a family is difficult even in the most normal situations. Maintaining harmony in a blended family can often seem completely impossible. It is estimated that nearly one-third of all children in America today under the age of 18 are part of a blended family. Dealing with step-children may be a difficult task at times. There are however, certain things that can be done to create harmony and balance within your blended family and help you to deal with the many problems that may come along. Keeping communication open and fostering positive attitudes as well as having respect for all family members is important. Probably the most important aspect of all in making blended families work however is patience.
Parents in a blended family situation are much more likely to enter into the new relationship with hope and joy. Children can be a bit more apprehensive. They have fears and uncertainties about the new change in their lifestyles. They may be concerned about how the new marriage will affect their relationships with their parents and even rebel at the thought of becoming part of a blended family. Patience is important in helping children to learn to accept the marriage. You should not expect a complete change overnight. Remember that Rome was not built in a day and your family will not reach perfect harmony overnight. It is important that you remain patient and be realistic with your expectations. Understand that all of the love, affection and time that you give your new step-children may not be returned immediately. It may simply take time for the children to begin to feel safe and secure in the household.
Even if you love your new spouse, understand that it is perfectly normal to not automatically love the children from his or her first marriage. This comes with time. It takes time to build any relationship. Remember that you did not instantly love your spouse the moment that you met him. The same rings true for his children. Be patient with yourself as well as them. It is important however that you do not attempt to turn your spouse against his or her children. Remember that children have needs and it is now up to you to help in ensuring that those needs are met. Children need to feel safe and want to trust their parents to provide them with security. Children of divorced parents may not trust easily. They have after all already been disappointed by the two people that they trusted most in the world. They need understanding and patience in order to begin trusting you.
You should understand that although children need to feel secure, appreciated and loved they also need boundaries. While you should not instantly step into the role of disciplinarian, it is important that step-children know that they have boundaries. You and your spouse should work together as a team to set boundaries. This is true for your own children as well as your step-children. Differences in things such as discipline will become very evident to children and they may begin to feel singled out. Be certain that any rules and boundaries include all children from the marriage. It is crucial that you and your spouse create a united front.
Understand that not all problems are going to handle themselves. If you cannot reach an agreeable relationship then you may need to consider counseling or a support group. This is quite common in blended families, particularly when children are teenagers. Some things that may merit outside help include any time that a child directs his or her anger on a specific member of the family or when a step parent shows favoritism or openly resents a child. Take your time and do not expect too much in the beginning of the relationship. With a bit of time and plenty of understanding and love there is simply no reason why your blended family should not become harmonic and balanced.
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