Home Relationship In Love Love Versus Obsession
Love Versus Obsession Print
Relationship - In Love

Being in love can be a wonderful feeling, but how do you know if it is really love or simply an obsession? True love involves many aspects with trust being the most important. There are many people who defend jealous or even violent actions with claiming that they are in love. The truth is that love is a beautiful, giving and trusting action between two people. Obsession is an action of one person towards another.

The two are not nearly as alike as many may think but they do have some similar qualities. So how do you know if someone is really in love with you or merely obsessed? How do you know if your feelings are truly love? Here are some pointers to head you in the right direction.

If what you are feeling includes a constant or frequent fear of infidelity then you may simply be obsessed with someone. If you are constantly demanding that he tell you where he has been and what he has been doing and more importantly if you do not trust him when he does tell you then you may not really be in love. Of course, if you have had infidelity issues with this person then you may need to reevaluate your relationship. If you have no trust then love does not stand a chance of survival.

If you are constantly in fear that he will leave you and you wonder if you can even begin to survive on your own without him, this also triggers an obsession flag. While no one wants to begin to think about what would happen if they lost their true love, constantly obsessing over this fear points to well - obsessing. Having the need to be in constant contact with the one you “love” is unhealthy both for you and for him. Being constantly afraid of losing him, feeling depressed at the though and even provoking arguments because of your fear should tell you that this is not really love you are feeling. Love, again, is a beautiful thing. It should bring with it no fear, no worries of desertion and certainly should produce a trust between the two of you. Fear, like love and life itself, has its own irrational and rational phobias attached to it. . . but doing something constructive and responsible, such as investing in life insurance, maintains those fears and takes away that burden. Unfortunately, there is no relationship insurance. If you do not have this peace and trust in your relationship then you should begin to consider your relationship’s end.

While it is perfectly normal to think about your love while he is away from you, constantly thinking about him to the point that you are distracted from everyday tasks could signal obsession as well. Everyone wants to take a few minutes out of their hectic day to think about the person that they love. However, if you find yourself always thinking about him and particularly if your daydreams are causing you problems at work or anywhere else in your life, then these feelings are more likely tuned to obsession than love.

Along with this behavior comes compulsiveness. If you frequently call your beau at home or work just to see if he is there or even worse, if you drive by his home or workplace just to see his car then you should be concerned. Accusing him of cheating, demanding to know every single detail of his life away from you and trying to control him at all times points to obsession.

If you are feeling these emotions and are concerned about your relationship then take a step back. Being obsessed with someone will only get you hurt. You should take a few days or weeks away from this person. See if you can find something else to occupy your time while you sort out your true feelings. It is much better that you take a break now then end up being hurt later.

Comments (37)Add Comment
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written by Links of London Bracelets sale, March 22, 2012
I just sent this post to a bunch of my friends as I agree with most of what you’re saying here and the way you’ve presented it is awesome.
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he is grate....
written by Sindhi, January 27, 2012
with grate happiness,

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http://www.radiisuprashoes.com
written by radii shoes, December 04, 2011
well this blog is great i love reading your articles.
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5 years being obsessed with someone who is equally obsessed with me.....
written by beautiful smile, September 29, 2011
I am so glad to find this site, I have been in a relationship for 5 years with a man who didn't get a divorce for 31/2 year into our relationship, and only because I finally started to date another man which made him crazy. This past Christmas I found out when I ran into his wife he was still with her the whole time he was with me. I new he started to lie to me about 3 months into our relationship and I was already so infatuated with him that I let it slide thinking maybe he wouldn't do it again. No that didn't work I always stayed one step ahead and found out each & every he lied to me. I still stayed with him, the sexual part was there. I didn't have a sexual relationship with my husband of nearly 20 years so when I started to have incredible sex I think I got blinded by the feelings. Not good I learned now that when I meet men it will be for a deeper level of communication & friendship, and keep the sex out for as long as I possible can. I went to counseling for a couple of years for this problem and still continue to stay with him. I have driven by him place and I know he drives by mine, and then the checking in each others phones, all that stuff. I took a test and it said I am not sexually addicted, but I have never had a harder time to get away from someone then I have with him. I only see him on the weekends now and he helps with the things I need done around my house, and we do have wonderful times together. I would say I love half of his positive feminine side and I hate the macho side of him. He tells me I'm controlling. I have been doing an extensive amount of reading self help books, and going out on the other nights with men from a dating site. He knows what I'm doing but I tell him I'm not sexual with any one but him. That's the truth. I just keep hoping someone will sweep me off my feet so I can get enough balls to finally leave him for the last time. I feel my self esteem is getting better, I'm finishing college now soon to make a lot of money, and I lost 40 lbs. I am from a very dis functional family and my mom & sister are into the Booze. I never say good by for more then 10 days then I want him back again. Please give me some advice...I just found out from the internet that he has Narcissism also. I just want to have a healthy relationship but the men who like me I usually don't like and the ones I like usually don't like me. I also have a daughter with Borderline Personality Disorder and a son with a Sleeping Disorder so part of the reason I think I stay with him is because he has been with me through all these problems with my children. I feel I can't tell new men about this would scare them away... I am very complicated. I also have such a bad body image which goes back to teenage years that I'm afraid for a new person to ever see me naked....People tell me I'm beautiful, sexy, smart, I own my own house, but I feel like I need to look like the women in the Muscle Magazines. What's wrong with this picture?
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confused
written by shy girl, September 25, 2011
reading this made me so comfused.i dnt kno if i am in love or am obsessed
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written by Ann, August 27, 2011
Nice debate on love and obsession
"Cure for an obsession: get another one" smilies/cheesy.gif
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written by what is love?, August 16, 2011
Im just so shocked by reading this. I wish I had read this earlier. I had been in a relationship and recently broke up. I now realise that if this is the case I dont even know what love is. I just need to break away but i cant seem to. He is always on my mind and I cant seem to get him off.
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love?
written by marina, August 07, 2011
been married 20 years, seperated 6 years and i am now beinning to realize, if what i am reading about obsession and love, is true, then i dont know what love is and never been in love. i have lived all my life seeing the men around me cheat on their partners, so that has made me very paranoid. i am crazy about this guy and thought that i was in love with him but now i am so comfuse.
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Unhealthy "Love"
written by S, August 03, 2011
I found this article because I'm dealing with a guy who became obsessed with me & stalked me until I cut physical contact. While I get where he is coming from, since I had similar childhood psychological issues ..we had similar backgrounds from when I spoke with him about his family.. I got help years ago starting at age 18 when I could afford my own counseling. I spent 7 years reading & getting help. I learned about healthy love & boundaries. Love is about give & take. It's not about fear or anxiety about them leaving you. Yes it is natural with the hormones that come with attachment and sex to become attached but, if you have a strong sense of self and a good sense of boundaries and your own life to fall back on you will always be able to handle a breakup. It doesn't matter if life throws you punches you will have the inner strength to draw from to handle things. It's when people believe this BS that love is about possession, jealousy, attachment, and have no sense of self or a relationship with themselves that they turn to stalking and other "love" behaviors. I can't believe society still labels & markets this as love. It is horrifying being someone who is being stalked now. Obsession is awful & is destructive. That guy ended up convinced I was going to marry him and I only knew him 2 months & NEVER DATED HIM. That's the worst part. smilies/angry.gif
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confusion of life....
written by sammaraa, July 23, 2011
i need help of any one plez guide me wat shud i do i love some one since 13 years and we were just not confirmed about our love but now we both are married but still have craving for each other and by trying so much cant help our selfs to make our selfs happy with our respective partners even i have one baby too what we should do now? shoud be trying to get rid off dat relationships of ours and be in a relationship of marriage togather or just live the same to avoid any harm for our families please need advice in this situation....
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The Other End of Obsession
written by Lanette, June 18, 2011
I am one of those people that if you need and I have it, it is yours. Being like that only set you up to be totally taken advantage of, it has happened quite a few times so I am not so nice anymore. Out of the kindness of my heart and the fact that I had been a happily married woman for about 12 years, I let a friend of mine and her three sons move into my house and did not expect anything from her. I was just helping her get on her feet, so she could move out on her own. She had been my friend for 4 years before she moved in, she also was with the father of her three sons. I can only guess that as she watched my husband and I interact with each other on a daily basis, she became obsessed and decided she could not live without my husband and would stop at nothing to get him. Being around us at various times sometimes together and sometimes apart. She learned how to manipulate the both of us, when we were having a disagreement she would be going back and forth with the he said this and she said that. Somehow she convinced my husband that I was cheating on him, she gave him names, dates, and places but not once did either one of them ever catch me because I was not doing anything wrong. He actually had no physical proof because there would absolutely not be any. The thing that bothered me was the fact that he never asked me if I in fact was cheating on him, she just manipulated him to where he did not know if he was coming or going. Needless to say they have been together for almost 6 years now and she continues to manipulate, lie, and she has even cheated on him with his friends. The worst part is, after all the years we spent together, 17 we can not even get on the phone and say Hi how are you? It is so bad with her that she quit her job because I gave him a ride 3 blocks down the road to pick up his truck, now is that sick or what. I am doing much better now, I am still single because I have not found anyone worth my time, until then I will keep on keeping on.
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Wish this was taught at school
written by just wandering, June 18, 2011
This sums it up precisely. Everyone is a victim, - obsession is just so destructive. Took me at least a decade to get over and come to the same conclusion. Oh how I wish that this was taught at school! Now that I have my lovely kids approaching their teens, I will work hard to find a way and teach them how not to fall into the trap which is obsession. It is certainly one life experience that I wish I did not have.
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Especial Gift
written by dondoniels, May 31, 2011
Love is a especial gift from God and should be exercised appropriately,a true love has it´s limits,it´s patient,and understanding..,a love that causes you sleepless nights, distracts you from your routines,etc should beware off ..,
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written by anne, May 31, 2011
it really helps for me im always afraid to lose the one i love so i always thinking of him...
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infidelity leads to obsession..
written by tracee, May 25, 2011
I dont think I was ever obsessed with anybody until i fell in love. I was dating what i thought was an amazing man who later didnt understand my commitment to family and felt I left him high and dry. he turned to some one else for comfort that went on for a year or more. he still maintains a friendship with her and states thats all it is. After reading this I see that I have become obsessed with him. Now I realize i deserve better and me obsessing over him does not prevent him from being with who wants to be with...This was great and much needed
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written by crazy B, March 10, 2011
i make love with my bf, but have s_x conversations with someone else. i believe that's not love... smilies/cry.gif
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Confussed?????
written by Love, January 14, 2011
like the other girl, I too still very much love a guy but I've learned to deal with the fact that what we started is great, an now that were friends is still great but i feel like im showing more that im truly inlove with him an want what we hve between us to grow more.. I still move on with every day life except I dont date cuz I feel that this guy is the one for me I feel it in my heart , its not that I dont want to date its that I dont find the guy to be to my standerds or a connection like a do with my ex,but i've ben told twice its a obsestion but how is it when we can go days with out tlking an pick up from where we left off at like nothing has happend at all between us.... I dunno it drives me crazy cuz I do love him an show him tell him as well but at the sametime I know when to back off cuz when u love someone u hve to be happy with ur self and with ur girl or boyfriend, even ur ex..
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adidas cell phone
written by laurent, December 23, 2010
Thanks for taking the time to talk about this, I feel fervently about this and I take pleasure in learning about this topic. Please, as you gain information,please update this blog with more information. I have found it very useful.
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Obsession
written by Anonymous Woman, November 14, 2010
I have been obsessed and I have had someone else obsessed with me. I can honestly say I thought I was in hell when I was obsessed but whats even worse is having someone obsessed with you. Neither the person obsessed or the person who is dealing with someone obsessed can think or barely breathe. It's so very unhealthy for both people involved. The only cure to my obsession was when he ignored me. I lost him and he cut off all ties with me. It was the only thing that helped and even then it took me years to fully recover. If you think your on the verge of obsession then take a step back maybe a week or two and occupy your time with something else. You should take on a new class or new hobby or do something other than think of them. Figure out the one thing you can do that takes your mind off that person and start to do it. Love is a beautiful thing when its real. It's patient and it is very very kind. Obsession is AWFUL. As far as finding a cure for the one obsessed with you that YOU really love...that I'm still trying to figure out smilies/sad.gif
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i disagree
written by alonefighter , November 06, 2010
I disagree with this if you really love a particular person you will surely be curious where he is and what she do. and you of course you will be afraid to lose him because you do love him because were only human and it's norma to feel like being obsessed but it's nature when we feel in love to someone. i just express what i feel anyhow anyone is free to express what they feel.
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just cut the crap and have a wank
written by bob davage, November 01, 2010
wanking is fun, doesn't require love and gets straight to the point if the matter. Go on, do yourself a favour and crack one out. This applies equally to ladies and gentlemen.

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adfcadsf
written by asd, September 16, 2010
I only care about Sex.
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Can it change
written by concerned, June 28, 2010
If I am obsessed afraid of losin him and paranoid, can I turn this around to love. I do feel love but panic when we are not in touch, he works away. Can this change from obsession to more love, what do I need to do
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written by Hannah, June 14, 2010
I thought I may be obsessing then I looked at this and I'm not smilies/smiley.gif yay! lol I haven't talked to the guy I love all day and I'm fine I miss him and I wish he was here but I'm all right smilies/grin.gif
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Never used to be like that
written by Sophie, May 07, 2010
What started out as a great relationship turned sour when a fear of commitment (resulting from the scars of a bad marriage) created the need to explore what he might be missing out on. I tried to give him the room but ended up obsessing over not being "the one" & trying to keep him believing what he really needed was me. I'm a highly intelligent woman that just can't turn off the switch. I admit that. But what do you do when the object of your obsession won't let go either?
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Read this too late
written by Mike, April 14, 2010
I wish I had read this before I ever tried a relationship. This makes me realize that my previous marriage was one of my obsession. It drove her away and ultimately ended the relationship. Even scarier, I now realize that I am following the same path. I hope that the mere knowledge of this may help me to overcome this and remember the love that once was, but I fear that this problem may be too far gone smilies/sad.gif
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How to enlightened the obsessed?
written by marco, April 07, 2010
I too have issues, on the receiving end of the obsession. I myself find that I too have some symptoms of obsession, but have found that I have the strenght to step away and calmly take things in the relationship, but my counter part seems to be struggling the most. She constantly states she cannot sleep at night, and is constantly questioning my emotions, so I'm beginning to feel trapped....I try to talk to her and convince her that doing daily life things is natural, and to keep busy, for she is truely a wonderful person to be with, but I'm afraid my patience will run out, and fear for my own safety has begun to occur.
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written by joseph, March 30, 2010
I should have read this before jumping into this new relationship of mine. It's been 3 weeks, and she already pointed out that I am on borderline being obsessed with her. I should keep this in mind more often. Thank You
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A lovely day in the nieghborhood?
written by Decogal, February 15, 2010
I am lving a block away from an old lover, and we reconnected a few months ago. But something went wrong and I have to pass his house every day as it is the only way out to the main road. There are no extra driveways. So I am stuck. Sometimes I am okay with it, sometimes I am not. I have made no contact and it is hard not to wonder if someone is there with him. I cry a lot. Any help here?
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This is bad
written by Xolani Makhwasa , February 09, 2010
I am confused, have been obsessed before and would not like to be in the same position again, it is my prayer that I get assistance regarding this issue.

Regards
Xolani
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Love v. Obsession
written by The Obsessed, February 05, 2010
Thats how exactly I feel. I always want to stay ontouch, know the whereabouts and if i my call is not received on the attempt i feel my beloved is talking or having fun with someone else, which drives me crazy and i then dont take my fingers off the phone until it is received followed by a number of questions and eventually a big fight..then a sorry and the vicious circle goes on..Now i want to take a step back. Thanks for this
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How do I get back to love now that I've become obsessed?
written by Wow!, January 06, 2010
Like Alissa, I didn't start out obsessing. He and I have a very deep emotional connection and we share a lot of things in common. I conclude that my trust issues (stemming from past relationships) are what have provoked my obsession. He hasn't given me a concrete reason not to trust him. I've told him about my trust issue and he has patiently walked me through any 'doubt' that I have brought to his attention, but I don't want to continually bring up my insecurities because no matter how patient he is, I know eventually it will drive him away. Is it possible to get out of this stage and get back to a healthy kind of love? I'm afraid of losing my mind...and losing him in the process!! smilies/sad.gif
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written by screwed it up, July 31, 2009
that explains alot. and now i feel dumb. smilies/cry.gif (i'm a man)
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Thanks for this advice!
written by Alissa, May 04, 2009
WOW! This is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you so much for enlightening me on this subject, I am deeply in-love and find that I feel somewhat obsessed sometimes. It drives me crazy and makes me feel bad, I don't wont to push my love away, just let him know I here and that I love him. I think I will take a step back and read a book or something spend time a little more with my family and focus on why I am with him to start with. Because It didn't start this way but became this. I want to take it back a little step and let love happen.

Thanks again.

Alissa smilies/grin.gif
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physician
written by jamie, March 05, 2009
obsession is a sense of aquisitiveness and possession. it will not only keep us up at night, it will impinge on our activities of daily living, including our care of ourselves. it can lead to paranoia and guilty thinking of ourselves. it darkens the eyes of our heart and rather than looking upward and inward for hope we fumble with futility of controling a situation that is uncontrollable. stop before you lose your beautiful wife, four children, house, and potentially your job. love is free and is freedomsmilies/smiley.gif
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Obsession vs. Love
written by Ann, March 03, 2009
I wonder about obsession vs. love when the woman allows herself to get pregnant on the pretext she cannot conceive. And, that to a guy she knows is living with another woman. Then, she is determined to manipulate the father - even using the father's concern and love for the child - as a tool to gain a relationship with him. Love should be voluntary not coersed, not guilt-ridden. I wonder if this young lady will lose her "obsession" with the father once she has him and move on to another challenge.
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GOOD ADVICE
written by TINA, February 10, 2009
OBSESSION OF SOMETHING IS REALY BAD IT JUST SCREW UR LIFE AND OTHER PERSON YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH. OBSESSION IS DESTRUCTIVE AND JUST CAUSE DAMAGE TO EVERYONE. SO ONCE YOU KNOW YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH THE PERSON BECOME STRONG AND DETACHED URSELF FROMHIM/HER TO LET THEM BE HAPPY.
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