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Holding Your Marriage Together After Infidelity Print
Relationship - Marriage

Infidelity is one of the hardest blows that a marriage can take. Trust is one of the most important building blocks for any relationship and once that trust is broken it can be very difficult to gain it back. If your marriage has undergone infidelity and you are worried that you will never again be able to trust your spouse, take heart. There is a way for you to learn to trust your husband again and get past this hurdle that seems to be blocking your marriage from happier days.

One of the most effective ways to re-establish trust is to open up honest communication. Once the trust has been broken in your marriage you may feel lied to. It is very important to get past this feeling and to bring honesty back into your relationship. You must be prepared to answer any questions that your spouse asks you honestly and openly. If it was you who broke the trust in your relationship then you must give him honest answers to all his questions in order for him to begin to trust again. On the other hand if you were the victim of infidelity then you must allow your spouse to offer his answers.

You must also allow yourself to forgive him. Forgiveness is the most important aspect of surviving infidelity. If you never forgive him for what he has done then there really is no hope of your marriage ever surviving. Letting go of the hurt and anger that you feel may be difficult but you must move past these emotions if you hope to salvage your marriage. Forgiveness is a process that must be endured for a marriage to survive such a breach of trust. It is also a two-way street. You must forgive him for his infidelity and he must forgive you of any wrongdoings that you have done. Neglect, emotional and verbal abuse and other negative aspects such as these must be dealt with and overcome before you can truly begin to heal. Forgiving him for his indiscretion does not mean that you must approve of his cheating. It simply means that you are willing to let go of the anger and pain that you feel, as well as inclinations of payback and revenge, and begin to put your relationship back together. If you can not forgive him then your marriage will forever be clouded by resentment. Think of it this way - have you forgiven people in the past for doing things to you that were hurtful? This is basically the same thing. You can find forgiveness if you really want to. It will take time but it will come. Forgiving him will only help to strengthen your marriage as well as make you feel better inside.

It may be necessary for you to seek marriage counseling. There are many wonderful counselors who specialize in treatment of broken trust issues. If you find that you are having too much difficulty working through your marital problems on your own then seek counseling. A marriage counselor can help you to understand why cheating happens and ways in which to build a stronger and more trusting relationship than you had before.

The thing is that if you do nothing your marriage will be worth nothing. If you truly love your husband and believe that he has remorse for what has happened then your marriage is absolutely worth salvaging. Don’t be naïve about this. It will take work and lots of it. But, with the right attitude and the true desire to have a healthy and happy marriage, you can make this work for both of you.

Comments (7)Add Comment
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written by Pandora For Sale Australia, March 10, 2012
i come here first time. Thank you for sharing your admin would get ready a severely beneficial write-up I congratulate.s I very agree with your views from here.
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hurt over and over again
written by brokenhurt, February 02, 2012
my husband cheated me over and over again. and he keep asking another chance so.i gave him a chance for the sake of our kids and I still love him despite of what his done to me. but im still not sure now if what his showing to me is real that he really change or stop with his girls. its hard for me to trust him again.what should i do? please help.
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Husband doesnt want to try at our marriage hes putting it on hold to see if the other woman comes back to his workplace
written by Rebeca, September 28, 2011
Im with my hubby 22yrs we had a problem from the start of our relationship he had a one night stand before he met me the woman got pregnant but for 21yrs he never knew whether he truly was the childs Father until last year the child a woman now herslf and also she is a Mother wanted my Hubby more in her life because of her child and wasnt happy with her Mother. She began ringing my Hubby arranging Meetings asking why he wasnt a part of her life , he wasnt a part of her life because he wasnt allowed to by her Mother but she accepted Cash from us through out the years whenever she needed it the Mother.To get to the point I had enough not only was he not sure he was her Dad now he also could be a Grandfather. We got the DNA test done it had to be done the ANSWER Negative 99.9% not the Father after 20yrs.
Ithink since weve found out the truth we havnt been getting on , my Husband has been drinking more , and one night admitted to me the married woman he had been giving a lift to work 4 six months was more than just a friend he said he had feelings for her and why did he or how could he when hes married to me. You may say fairplay he told me how he felt but 4 the six months he lied to me about the Lift I found out by accident he pestered my Brother to join his Company ad get on the same shift as himself and the married co worker because according to himself she was just a friend, but when my brother was in the job just 1 week other people were bringn it to his attention that the relationship was far more serious than what he said was going on. I DID THROW HIM OUT. In that time he kept txtn me ringn me and still saying she was just a friend. Do you Email your friend and tell them you love them be at their beck and call whenever she wanted. DO YOU KISS A friend .Still when I PUT THIS FORWARD TO HIM AND EVEN EARLIER MY BROTHER WARNED HIM AND TOLD HIM WHAT HE TAUGHT AND SAW, TOLD HIM HED LOOSE EVERYTN IF HE DIDNT STOP His answer again that he wasnt doing anything shes just a friend.
I met the friend the other woman in his life asked her what was going on because I wasnt getn the answers from him. I asked her did he say he loved her she said yes , they had met many times they emailed each other whenever they could and the big BLOW he told her he hasnt been happy for the last 10yrs by the way we have 2 kids 14 and 8 so does this mean my second child never meant anything to him and his latest sayings I CARE SOR YOU ALOT BUT IM NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU.
She finished up her Contract last March and it due back for a new contract in the next week or so thats why my heading of this problem is up he is putting our marriage on hold because of her, all he says and thinks he knoews is that we havnt been getn on for a long time and yes maybe he needs to see her again .Hes not living with now for the last 10days yes i did throw him out for about 2 months but i took him back , but there cant be 3 people in our relationship and im not going to be second best my question am i the fool here to hang on to see who he wants should i just let him go ............. please will someone answer I KNOW MY BLOG HAS GONE ON AND ON I NEED TO MAKE UP MY MIND BY THE WAY I DONT WANT MY MARRIAGE TO END..
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mrs.
written by p, July 02, 2011
i have been married 15 years and have endured a cheating spouse. just when i start to trust him again i find a profile on the computer with conversations via chat rooms or porn sites . he says it means nothing. i have forgiven time & again but i am afraid he will never stop. he seems to b fine now . we are military andhave 2 kids 1 is a special needs child . he says if i leave he will disenroll the kids in tricare (insurance) and the last time i tried to he went to the computer anddid it . took me 1-2 months to convince them it was a computer mistake. I have been in counseling for a year, but it is only making me more miserable as i see how bad i want out, but wont send my kids into poverty and no insurance. medical bills are 100,000 a year alone. no other insurance co. will touchmy daughter. she has cerebral palsy. lots of prayers please
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Where to start?!
written by Lynn, June 21, 2011
I'm going through this right now...I can't get the picture of my husband with another woman out of my head. I want to move past this...but I can't seem to even start. I love him, care for him and want our marriage to work. I just can't get intimate with my husband without thinking of the other woman (who was just a one night stand). We are going to counseling already.
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http://www.squidoo.com/how-to-...-scoundrel
written by david, May 11, 2011
I think that being able to hold a marriage together would have to be on a case by case basis. Some cheaters will never be reformed. Some are truly sorry and regret their actions so there is hope.
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How to survive Infedility
written by Jessica Hamilton, October 15, 2010
Relationship is a two way commitment between partners. In a relationship, there are many trials and challenges to face. One of it is some misunderstandings. The most important thing to do is to hold on and be patient. Do not let your pride over power you. There are so many ways that can make a relationship work good. I've been through this.

Thanks,
Jessica
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